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We've all heard that compromise makes for long standing, solid relationships and sure, I think compromise is a tool that can be used when a snap decision has to be made but will carry no long term affects. Compromise however is not to be used in conjunction with personal needs.

A compromise is choosing to have a bagel because its closer to your house even though you really want that doughnut on the other side of town but can't be bothered to put in the man power to get it. That's an understandable compromise even though I'll always tell you to go get the doughnut. The affect isn't major, you are still having something that you enjoy (a bagel) and you know that you'll have the doughnut sometime soon.

The common misconception of compromising is when you talk yourself out off having the doughnut or bagel all together and into choosing a salad because you tell yourself the salad is better for you. You still really want the doughnut but you won't even let yourself settle on the bagel. Your cravings have not subsided, they've just been shoved down and will resurface again later, stronger. This is the twisted version of compromise.

Are we following with all the food analogies? Good, let's break it down some more then.

The second kind of 'compromise' is toxic when it comes to relationships. It is a form of self sabotage. In most cases it's just a subconscious pattern so many don't have a clue that they are actually doing this to themselves.
When you cut yourself off like that you remove yourself from what your true heart desires. Compromise in this sense means you are so far removed from what you actually want that you give it up in order to be here -- The place you don't want to be but don't know any different.
Our souls and hearts were not designed for this kind of torture so why do we do it?

We believe we can't have it and therefore do not allow time and space to be made for it. Before entering into a relationship especially of a romantic intimate kind, you need to know what your needs are in order for your partner to meet them. We all have and want them and for a successful relationship these need to be taken into consideration. If your partner can not provide them, your relationship is not built on a solid enough foundation and will eventually breakdown.

Next time you feel yourself about to compromise your needs in order to please someone else, as that is generally what happens, sink into it. Ask yourself why you're choosing to make this move and if you really want to? The answer may not always be pretty but it will make you better off every single time. Soon enough you will become so aware of your subconscious patterns like compromise that they will no longer have you on a collar and lead.

It can sound somewhat scary diving in so deep, but the fear of sinking isn't worth overriding the potential of flying.

Love, Delilah

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